Last night, despite my little pledge to give myself more sleep, I allowed myself not to due to the circumstances and distracted myself on Tumblr for a few hours.
This morning, I did not want to get out of bed. It was 10AM and my school would open to all Yr12s in another half hour so that we could collect our results.
I wasn’t going to open them until I got to T’s house, but I felt like I knew what I would get and at this point delays wouldn’t make much of a difference, so I opened them up whilst a friend was comparing her fabulous results with the grade boundaries. I wasn’t far off at all with my self-predictions because I knew that my attitude towards my studies this year was lacking.
I won’t disclose all of my results here for privacy reasons but by my standards, they were quite disappointing. It did not help that I was surrounded by people that had stunning results at the time.
My dad didn’t react well. He was steaming in the car on the way to T’s house and we barely said a word to each other. When we arrived I was fully ready to break down in tears and T spent a while trying to console me and stop my legs from shaking – which only made me shake more.
I was already considering re-sits which is why I was trying to get a summer job to pay for them, but I didn’t expect the costs to be so high. I can still afford them myself without relying on my parents but the prices are kinda crazy at £42.10 for each module (this is dependent on exam board and subject). I will consult my teachers and see what they say about the resits I’m not sure about.
I told myself that I should perhaps change my diet a bit. I don’t mean living off kale and resorting to a limited plate of food, but basically cutting down on snacks and extra food, especially during my period when I eat up all the food supplies in the house, and drinking more water. This all went out of the window when I ate two bowls of rice and a bowl’s worth of side dishes at T’s plus a bowl of chocolate mousse, sobbing whilst I was at it.
Mom picked me up on the way home from work. She was a bit disappointed too, but was full of reassurance which was nice. Thank you, BBC News for making her all concerned and possibly warning her that my results may be bad – I don’t know how you did it but props to you.
After dinner at home I ran a hot bath – which I never do bc I am forever a shower girl – poured in a load of a new bottle of cream bath, exfoliated myself until I was squishy-soft, popped on a face mask afterwards and slathered on my lemon souffle body cream.
Now I am typing this and I think life is okay again for now. It will be my brother’s turn next week.